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Some days, the extra energy I had made my job as a writer easy - people called it hustle, I called it keeping myself sane. But after hitting rock bottom with my depression, anxiety, insomnia and obsessive-compulsive disorder after a layoff from my media job, I was willing to try anything.Īt that point, life had become an amalgamation of “Groundhog Day” and “Russian Doll.” It was an understatement to say that the cocktail of mental health issues I suffered from was suffocating me. “What does she do? I don’t understand,” I said.īefore that summer, I had assumed hypnosis involved mind control, a pocket watch swinging in front of my face and me unknowingly word-vomiting my secrets. She revealed she had an alternative treatment idea for me, cautioning me to “be open.” “If you broke your arm, that’s where you’d go.”īefore I left for the hospital, I decided to call my therapist for her advice. “Babe, there’s nothing wrong with going to a doctor or a hospital,” he told me. When my boyfriend woke up, I told him my plan, while attempting not to drown in my shame. I made a decision: I’d check myself into a psychiatric hospital.
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I was so tired, but my anxiety made me fear rest.
#Doll hypnosis trial
I was in the midst of a new trial of antidepressants - my Lexapro stopped working after seven years - and I hadn’t been engulfed in anxiety-induced insomnia since college, the kind where sleep doesn’t exist without the use of prescription sleep aids. stroll in my neighborhood that my boyfriend encouraged me to go on with him had the opposite effect of a Xanax, and the speed of my anxious thoughts was physically excruciating. It was the summer of 2016, and I had spent all night with my face in my palms, shaking in the bathroom of my Brooklyn third-floor walk-up. It had been nearly a week, and I hadn’t slept more than two hours a night.